Has it ever happened to you? You like someone but you know that they will never like you. That feeling of hopelessness. It doesn’t matter what you do because they will never think of you the same way you think of them. Still, you don’t want to give up so easily. You want to put up a fight. You cling to that strand of hope; that even though you know it doesn’t exist, you convince yourself it does. And then even worse, when that person is your best friend. That person you spend the whole night talking to, laughing. Who you keep no secrets from. The person that you feel the most comfortable with. But then, little by little you stop talking. And by the time you notice, there is a great distance between you two. You never talk anymore. The only communication you have is a greeting ever so often. And then you realize that you are lonely. You don’t know anything about that person anymore. You know who they were, not who they are. And you realize that you like them. You start making a strained effort to talk to them, to get back to how things were. They still trust you, but don’t seem to miss you. You try to make a conversation only to find out that they have someone they like. You smile and wish them good luck, while you are braking inside. You want them to only look at you. You become selfish but you don’t show it. You hate yourself for it, but there’s nothing you can do to change it. So you keep on trying. You start making plans, but then abandon them before even putting them into action, knowing that they will be of no use. So you resign yourself. But who wants to sit alone and cry? You have to be strong. You keep chanting that to yourself like a mantra. But the words sound hollow, they have no meaning. Why not show weakness, why be strong? There’s nothing you can do and you know it, but you still cling to the hope that through time your efforts will pay off, even though everybody dismisses such a possibility. So you wear a mask. You smile you laugh while little by little you start deteriorating. And then, you become a shell of who you used to be. You changed and people noticed. You become boring and plain. All past happiness and vitality has left you. But you don‘t know what to do to get it back. So you sit there and wallow in your self-pity until you resolve yourself that you have to find something to distract yourself with. But what can bring you back from the brink of despair?
Megan
